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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #1
as most of you who know me on here will already know
in september of 2014 i broke my spine and caused myself some pretty serious other injuries.

long story short, i realised on my birthday this year i wasn't coping as well as i could have so i started making some changes to my personal life, this meant changing careers and living a generally more healthy lifestyle.
these steps have been slow and have had setbacks but I'm finally starting to make some headway, i thought i would put this thread up to motivate myself to see some results (as giving up on things is a problem i have).
my personal life has been on a downward slope since i broke my back and unfortunately for the moment it has had a large part to play in the end of my relationship with my girlfriend and stepdaughter, i have had a lot of criticism from friends about taking my role as a stepfather so hard (which i don't get why anyone would criticise me for taking my role seriously), and to be honest, its kinda bummed me out, but i have to push past that and enter the next phase of my life.

so i have some goals which i am already working towards.
  • i need to push myself into a better mental state to tackle the life ahead of me.
  • build a career, somewhere with a lot of future growth potential
  • loose weight, this is a serious issue, it definitely is playing on my mind and definitely effects my pain levels & my mood in a big way
  • stay positive, build up some mental capacity to change my view from being so negative
  • stop working weekends so i can enjoy some personal time
i have a heap more to add, but for now its all simple, this will be kinda like a diary to me to motivate myself and i thought you guys might want to join in.
i'll start with the current conditions
mental state: unstable, but leaning towards depression and playing the victim when i shouldn't be
weight: 135KG
outlook on life: 4 months ago it was bleak, now it's slowly improving day to day, i still struggle but its getting there.

what am i doing to rectify this?
well for a start i've unplugged from almost all the bullshit in my life, I'm trying to let go of the past and things that happened when i was a kid that was beyond my control, writing lists every day and achieving as much as i can, simply ticking them off once i have done that task.
i have a habbit of not doing what i set out to do, that HAS to change.
for me, this is more a mental battle than anything else, as the mind controls everything else.
so, guess we gotta see how i progress, I'm already making a lot of progress, so I'm pretty happy in that regard, but i still need to make a lot more.

ill update this thread as i go along, feel free to chime in with ideas etc
 

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Seems you're on the right track and I'm glad physically you are improving albeit slow. I have dated women with kids and the break up can very hard because you become close with the child and literally act as a father. It's can be harder to walk away from the kid. So those giving you a hard time clearly don't understand. Just shake that off.

Though I wasn't injured like you, I went through a verk bleak time in my life. My father whom I was extremely close with passed away, I was laid off from my job and couldn't find another in my field that I love. My certification expired and I knew it was gone for good. I was working in other jobs that I was good at but hated. My gf at the time dumped me for some scumbag etc.

As with you slowly but surely things got better. Met my current fiancée and I am now in a career that I love. You didn't mention it but if you're not already, I strongly suggest you speak to a psychiatrist or physiologist. I spoke with a physiologist to just talk about things and it help tremendously to the point that I was able to work through everything without medication. So if you not already talking to someone I strongly suggest you go talk to someone.

As far as exercise, I am not sure what your limitations are. I have problems in the motivation department too but something you just have to make yourself do. I found writing down my workouts help. I would then try to.beat my previous "score" the workout before and make a game out of it. I also.lost a significant amount of weight from just cleaning up my diet without much exercise. I did a modified version of the paleo diet and the weight fell off. I stopped drinking diet soda completely and only drank water.

Hang in there man, things will improve. They already have and will continue to do so.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #3
i haven't gone and seen a psychologist yet, I have seen one before for issues though and i probably will again.
my physical limitations seem to be unkown, the docs said i would never be able to run again at all, but last night i managed to run about 50m, which may seem small, but to me that's huge.
I also went back to boxing last night, again something i was told I'd never be able to return to. i think it's just baby steps for the moment and then take it from there.
i agree completely with what you said regarding diet etc, my problem is sugar, which i have pretty much eliminated from my diet for the moment, eating salad for lunch and dinner (surprisingly i actually enjoy this), and i agree, that and walking alone has pretty much made the weight fall off in the last week and a half.

the biggest thing i have changed so far would be my attitude towards myself, i really never used to give a shit about myself, my body, or my mindset, it seemed to be too much effort to put effort into myself. I'm slowly changing that now, and putting less focus on things like work.

i agree completely with what you said about the kids side of things, my niece asked me where her cousin was on saturday night and it hit pretty hard. but one of those things ey, just need to learn about dealing with it etc
 

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Hang in there mate, sounds like you're making steady progress.

Great job in kicking the added sugar from your diet - it's literally poison with no nutritional value. Last February I ditched it and went from 99kg to 80kg. Apart from shedding weight, there's no more mood swings, more energy and I have a happier inner self.

You mentioned not giving a shit about yourself. I say learn to be your own best friend and start by thinking of / doing those things in the moment that you enjoy, make you happy. Writing daily entries of all positive stuff in a diary works for a lot people.

Letting go of past misdemeanours, regrets, guilt and all the other baggage and working on the future will build hope, confidence and self-esteem. Last February at the age of 48 I took up karate (I'd always had an interest since I was a lot kid) band apart from it opening up a whole new group of people who have since become friends I'm learning new skills and have small personal goals that help maintain balance.

About 23 years ago I went through a very bad patch in my life but came through it, you will too. PM me if I can be of any help. Good luck mate.

Best, Damian
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #5
thanks for the kind words of advice dude, much appreciated :)

I'm doing all those things you listed, it just takes time.

it was a bit of a reality check when i realised how much of a toll it had taken on my life personally, but it happens man, and i agree with the sugar causing mood swings, I was really surprised about that.... don't know why it does that but it definitely seems to.
I'd like to get below 100kg, and i think i will if i keep at it, but its gunna take some time, which is ok, need to build myself a lot in the process anyhow.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #6
another goal ticked off.
have been offered a position at a banking/funds manager organisation, pretty happy about it. life can finally start kicking on.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #7
ok, so everything is making progress.
signed the contracts for the new job this afternoon, already done some of the induction work, absolutely wrapped with this.
going to be a big change for me, and a big challenge, but its exactly what i need.

went boxing last night, the guy who runs my class pulled me aside after training and had a chat to me, very genuine and honest man, and a damn good motivator. fitness is already improving, exactly what i need, and my mind is definitely less stressed when i leave the gym.

ticking goals off one by one is a fantastic feeling, especially when it feels like you have being stagnant for the last 3-4 years of your life (financially im worth 1/10 of what i was worth when i was 22 and im 26 now), finally starting to turn around, absolutely great feeling.

one big thing i have done which has actually made a huge difference, i have started reading again, i recommend it to everyone who struggles with stress, its a great way to focus and relax, just pick the right topics. you need to stimulate the mind in the right ways.
 

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Sounds like you already have all the answers and know what to do, implementation is what it's about and then following things through which seems to be your only hurdle. You're young, so call it a fresh start and enjoy the ride!

I commend you for making a post like this, because not only will you help yourself, you will probably help someone else. Look forward to seeing your progress.

PS I have a step daughter who's turning 15 next month. I've been her "dad" since she was 3. My life would fall apart if I lost her mom, my son or her. That's my absolute inspiration to make sure I'm an above average husband and dad.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #9
thanks dude appreciate it, and you're right in what you say.

thought i would update a little more, so, on friday i went clothes shopping for the new job
turns out i've lost 5cm off my waist and dropped 2 shirt sizes.
friday night i caught up with some friends and the ex, we watched spectre, it was awkward as shit and my heart was in my throat the entire time, it was difficult and I can honestly only remember about 10% of the film, i figured she probably didn't want to talk to me even though we sat next to each other.
after the movie ended we spent some time together without anyone else around, ended up talking for a few hours and then went our seperate ways and headed home.
we both need some time to ourselves, and honestly i hope we do get back together, but i don't know if we will.... we will have to see, time is a real bitch in this scene.... she said herself, its so easy to be us.... but she doesn't want us to be on repeat, and she doesn't want things to go back the way they were. she sent out a lot of mixed messages and my head is a bit of a blur... so I'm just going to focus on myself....
I'm about to go for my walk now, then iron a shirt for the morning (first day at the new job) then its bed time for me.

being and adult can be hard at times.... just gotta stay focused.... boxing tomorrow night so I won't have any energy to feel anything but sleep after that! haha
 

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That’s Mister Chalet To You ....
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Damn dude, sorry to hear of everything you're going though.

Thoughts are with you. Chin-up and kick some ass at the new job!
 

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Sugar is perfectly fine and healthy, as long as you're getting it from Fruits and other healthy foods. If you're getting it from chocolate cakes and garbage, Then it's not good, especially if you gain weight easily.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #12
yeah its natural sugar im fine with, removed only foods with added sugars, and processed junk.

chins up le skid, staying tall, just making progress day by day.

on the flipside. this new job is fucking awesome, company is treating myself and the rest of the team fantastically!

will update more on the weekend, peace!
 

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Great to hear things are on the up ...


Don't force things with the ex mate , if it's ment to be it will ... Fate is preset you can go kicking and screaming or try and change it , but all that will do is frustrate you and tire you out !!!

Keep doing the boxing , i find my training is two fold keeps me fit and cleanses my soul ... It washes away alot of stress/worry.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #14
nah no forcing lucas.... a lot of my mates have said the same thing and i agree with them.
plus, the last month my entire life has started coming together, weights down, health is up, mindset is up, family life is up, was talking about today how weird it is.... so i don't know, see what happens. not forcing anything and focusing on myself, the results ive gotten in my life in last couple of months have shocked me.
 

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yeah its natural sugar im fine with, removed only foods with added sugars, and processed junk.

chins up le skid, staying tall, just making progress day by day.

on the flipside. this new job is fucking awesome, company is treating myself and the rest of the team fantastically!

will update more on the weekend, peace!
Being happy at your job is so important in being happy in your everyday life. Glad to hear that!
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #16
well, thought i would report in.

things are still going fantastically for me personally, after years of trying its nice to see some results.

I'm down 10.6kg, which is a fantastic feeling, work has been great and they are really helping develop myself as a person (which is something i never pictured a business doing for its employees), and as for the personal side, well that's a bit up n down, had a fun week this week caught up with friends etc and went to a concert (holy shit it went off), caught up with the ex last weekend, was ment to be a couple of drinks and that was it, turned into dinner, then turned into drinks, then turned into a really nice night, and then i drove her home the next morning, we need our time apart unfortunately, however my life is completely coming together, so i feel fantastic about that.
the personal stuff will fall in place whether its with her or not, it'll just take some time (aint that a bitch).
moving house in a few weeks, so that'll be something else to look forward to, but all in all, everything is on the up, yeah theres speedbumps but as a whole, life is gettin a whole lot better for me. and im fuckin lovin it
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #17
movin house today and yesterday, life's completely coming together, and i just need to keep focused on that, going boxing this arvo to stay focussed and keep on droppin the weight, still get a bit of a surprise when i look in the mirror, so fuck knows what i'll think in 6 months time when i look in it.

ex and i are done and dusted and that's fine, just need to spend some time going through the emotions. spent some time listening to what others had to say, and that pretty much made up my mind that I'm hanging onto something for no reason other than the fact i don't want it to be over.

other than that christmas was really nice, spent it with the family, nothing overly special just a wicked fun day which is what it's all about.
worked on the bike, my chain is stuffed, scrambling together to get a chain tool so i can get it fixed by monday.
 

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NYYYYYAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Discussion Starter #18
morning guys!

been a while since jumped online, just thought i would update, down 18kg and feeling amazing!
work has been fantastic, hit an exceeded every target i have been given, moved house and everything there is going great.
so, now we go onto the bad news, a couple of weeks ago i hit a kangaroo on the 600, the bike is totalled, im fine but it's going to cost too much to repair.
onwards and upwards i suppose!!

life has been pretty damn good for me of late, honestly can't complain, and a lot of people are taking notice, its quite a nice feeling tbh, found a house i want to buy but i dont know if the bank will lend me the money as yet, if not ill hold off for a few months.
 

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Nice progress man! When you started this thread up till now I have lost a little weight and put it back on, up and down but I'm still where I was at. 18KGs is fantastic man! Sorry about the ex, but sometimes someone is not right, even if when you with them it all feels right.

Kak one re the kangaroo and 600, but glad you're okay. Keep it up and have fun ;)
 

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Yep gotta watch the wild life mate ... It normally hurts when you hit them , you are very lucky !!!

Bike's can be replaced , you can enjoy the excitement of tracking down a new toy now :)

Loosing weight and achieving goals you've set yourself is a sure fire way of bettering your life and changing your whole out look on things !!!

Just don't fall into the trap of stopping , keep moving forward ... Set new goals for yourself ....
 
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