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Discussion Starter #1
OK so here's the situation...

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We have lived together for 2 of those 2 and a half (from the beginning). We got into a huge fight, I was a dick and kicked her out, and she moved back home. About a month later, we worked out our differences, decided that we would continue with or plans to get engaged. She also decided that in order for us to live together again we need to be engaged. So I sold my old bike to put the money away to buy her the engagement ring that she has always wanted. My lease was up where I was staying so I decided that in order to save up the rest of the money that I needed for the ring and to try to get ahead on some bills that I would move out of my house, and in with a friend of mine who was looking for a roommate. Here's the issue... that friend is a female.

Let me give you the background of our relationship.

She is about five years older than me (I'm almost 27, she is 32?)
We used to work together (she was my assistant manager)
We have always had a strictly platonic relationship.
She is definitely not my type, although we do get along well.
We both work similar hours, usually 6 days a week, we don't really see each other that often, don't talk about much, usually work when we do.

Here's the issue... The first week I lived here, me and my GF had a big fight because she said that although she didn't personally have a problem with Amy (my roommate) she was not comfortable coming over here. I could stay at her parents house, if I slept on the couch in the living room. So we had our big fight, didn't talk for like a week. I came across my current bike, and made a rash, emotion filled decision to buy. Even BIGGER fight, but we made up.

So I have been living here for 3 months now, we have had a very rocky last month or two. Our last and current fight is because I got upset with the fact that she has a problem with me and Amy, more so me, helping with stuff around the house, such as fixing a screen door, fixing the garage door, fixing the washing machine, buying her tea at the grocery store, her calling me to see what kind of cereal I wanted/me asking her to pick me up cereal, buying toilet paper, cooking/planning a meal together, eating together (even on a day that my GF never even came over), cutting the grass, basically anything that has to do with me and Amy or me helping Amy. I think that it is the proper thing to do when living in someone's house to help them out with house stuff if you are able to. She thinks I should basically "just live there" and not help with anything.

I love her to death, and I know I have done some kinda' fucked up shit to her ie. buying a new bike with the engagement ring money, but if you were in her shoes would you really be upset about the fact that I am living here, esp. if its helping me get ahead, or am I just a tool for thinking that she should be OK with me being here and helping out my roommate when I really should be looking for a new place to stay?

Sorry for such a long post, looking forward to a ladies POV.
 

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no one knows but you!! i guess to find out how she is feeling switch roles for a minute and imagine how you would feel if she was shacked up with some bloke , seemingly having fun etc
 

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I'm a picky man meat eater
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213 Posts
I live with a guy and my boyfriend doesn't care...and neither does his girlfriend. But thats just us. We are all great friends.

But I don't think there is anything wrong with you helping around the house either...my roommate does the same thing since its My house and his rent is cheap!

Not to sound rude but it sounds like she is having a bit of a insecure break down. She should be looking at the positives...like when you guys DO get married she gets all those pluses, ie someone mowing the grass and helping around the house.

I say just remind her that you want her and only her...and that this situation is only temporary.
 

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Managing MotoJoe
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71,515 Posts
Honestly . . . ya'll are having problems . . . and really?? the stuff you're doing with Amy is very similar to be married to someone. Everything you are doing are very husbandly type stuff & since ya'll are rocky right now - its playing into her insecurities. If ya'll were not having problems, it probably wouldn't be an issue.
 

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Constantly in trouble now
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I know you asked the girls, but I'm gonna answer anyway: Your soon-to-be fiancee has serious jealousy AND trust issues to work out. Until she does, you're really playing with fire to marry her OR to be engaged to her.

I've been married for 20+ years and have seen other people's relationships come and go but ours sits there strong and stable. Yeah, we've had our issues before, some along the lines of what you describe. However, we worked through them and were able to get things strong. I'd say the past 14 years or so have been A+!!

I suggest you give it some time.

As a tangent, though, it sounds like you have the kind of relationship with Amy that you really want in a wife. I don't know if you're physically attracted to her or not or her to you but frankly, that baseline friendship is critical in a marriage relationship. If you don't have that with your girlfriend, then I'd seriously rethink where you're going with her. What I'm saying here is, you have a better chance of having a successful marriage to Amy than to your girlfriend!

That's no joke, bro.

Keep us posted. I'm very interested in your thoughts.

--Wag--
 

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As a single, but somewhat experienced (read: old) dude. I can tell you right now that in its current state your relationship is doomed to failure. I know you are thinking "this guy doesn't know me or my GF", and I don't but the circumstances I know pretty well. Like Dilly and Wag said there are insecurity issues with your GF and it will prolly get worse before it gets better. It also sounds like she has a bit of a selfish streak in her (either that or she is under the age of 25).

You may wanna think about resetting the clock on marriage/engagement here. I think she has a little growing to do. From personal experience... don't do a bunch of shit for someone (anyone) only to have them not appreciate it or understand that it has to be done to reach a mutually beneficial goal. In the end you will likely find yourself holding the bag and in a situation that you aren't happy with.


.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
So were done. Seems it's ok for her to be out kissing random dudes at the bar while were broken up but she finds out I smoke a little weed (which she does NOT approve of) while were split up and I'm wrong. Casino, you hit it on the head. She's just an immature, selfish person. And 24.

I'm tired of her shit.

Thanks for the input everyone, but this one is over.
 

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Constantly in trouble now
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There's always someone else out there. Have another ride somewhere else!

--Wag--
 

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Both Handsome AND Pretty!
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Can't believe nobody else gave you this advice yet.
Time to PIITB with Amy bro!! :punk
 

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Let me give you the background of our relationship.

She is about five years older than me (I'm almost 27, she is 32?)
She's just an immature, selfish person. And 24.
I'm tired of her shit.

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I dont want to be a stickler for the details but is she 32 or 24?

Oh and if she cant accept you for who you are, and respect the choices you make then you made the right choice letting her go.
 

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So were done. Seems it's ok for her to be out kissing random dudes at the bar while were broken up but she finds out I smoke a little weed (which she does NOT approve of) while were split up and I'm wrong. Casino, you hit it on the head. She's just an immature, selfish person. And 24.

I'm tired of her shit.

Thanks for the input everyone, but this one is over.
Can't say i'm sorry to hear it... from what you described it sounds like the break up is for the best... plus you are young bro... still at the age where you can hook up with younger chix AND older chix... keep working hard, you'll find a woman that will appreciate your work ethic and willingness to sacrifice.











in the meantime just find someone that will let you PIITB
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Ex-Lady Supermod
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16,100 Posts
I dont want to be a stickler for the details but is she 32 or 24?

Oh and if she cant accept you for who you are, and respect the choices you make then you made the right choice letting her go.
Amy, the roommate is 32 and his ex is 24.
 

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Ex-Lady Supermod
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Jealousy and insecurities are rooted deep. I wouldn't care if my BF had a female roommate but that is me. If it wasn't Amy then it would be something else like where were you tonight, why are you late, why do you always work late, who else will be there on boys night out, who was that girl I saw you talking to, etc, etc. I have known girls like that and until they come to terms with their issues, any relationship is doomed.
 

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Ex-Lady Supermod
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I would also like to point out that this is the gixxergirls forum and I personally find the PIITB to be disrespectful and in bad taste, especially in here. That is just how I feel and just because this is a guy posting a thread, let's not forget where we are.
 

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I think the guys handled themselves fine until the relationship was over, then decided to cheer the guy up with some humor....... the GDC way. I think in this instance, Samantha, you are being a bit thenthative :cheers. We are keeping an eye on the guys though :thumbup.


OP..... what she was doing was basically called "projection". She was projecting her own faults onto you. It is very common. Since she knows her own faults, and can see her own "tells" about them in herself, she projects that she is also seing them in you.

If ANY person is accusing another of things like cheating or similar, with no cause......... nearly every time that person is actually the guilty one.
 

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PM me for Brotection
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I think the guys handled themselves fine until the relationship was over, then decided to cheer the guy up with some humor....... the GDC way. I think in this instance, Samantha, you are being a bit thenthative :cheers. We are keeping an eye on the guys though :thumbup.


OP..... what she was doing was basically called "projection". She was projecting her own faults onto you. It is very common. Since she knows her own faults, and can see her own "tells" about them in herself, she projects that she is also seing them in you.

If ANY person is accusing another of things like cheating or similar, with no cause......... nearly every time that person is actually the guilty one.

+1

I just wish I knew how to spot that about 6-7 years ago :banghead
 

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Blithering Idiot
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Honestly . . . ya'll are having problems . . . and really?? the stuff you're doing with Amy is very similar to be married to someone. Everything you are doing are very husbandly type stuff & since ya'll are rocky right now - its playing into her insecurities. If ya'll were not having problems, it probably wouldn't be an issue.
I have to second that. I know I'm a bit late on the thread, but you were spot on.

So were done. Seems it's ok for her to be out kissing random dudes at the bar while were broken up but she finds out I smoke a little weed (which she does NOT approve of) while were split up and I'm wrong. Casino, you hit it on the head. She's just an immature, selfish person. And 24.

I'm tired of her shit.

Thanks for the input everyone, but this one is over.
Been there, done that, you made the right decision.

Can't believe nobody else gave you this advice yet.
Time to PIITB with Amy bro!! :punk
+999999999999999999999999999
You guys have got the foundation, make it happen if there's something there! I made the mistake of not following that road when I had the chance :dissapointed

If ANY person is accusing another of things like cheating or similar, with no cause......... nearly every time that person is actually the guilty one.
+1 :thumbup Almost always the case :hammer
 
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