[MrJones944]

Ok my 96 ducati m900 wont start. Its got carbs so I have no clue how to do shit with it hence why im posting in squid farm. I put some fresh gas in it and when I try to turn it over it just goes through the paces but wont fire up. Tried push starting it and nothing still. Ideas anyone? Its fucking nice and I need to ride.

 

[Hotrod]

Carbs are a scam by big oil. Go read the Peak Oil debate in AG and then you will realize that you bought a very expensive italian push-bike.

Then you can hit up SVS for a "Viking Power" injection, it'll make you push a whole lot faster....
*run, bitch...RUN*

 

[Robben]

It's an Italian bike. They're only designed to run in Italy. Over here in Nort' America, the air's different. Try stuffing the airbox with hot pizza. The fumes should trick it into submission. The spicier the better.

 

[Hotrod]

Pepperoni is what gives it the pep!

 

[Robben]

Oh yeah, before making pizza, you could just try smooth talking it in Italian. It won't understand english cuss words... If you already got the oven warmed up, have pizza for supper.

 

[Robben]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... pepperoni.

Dayum, hungry now. Forget the bike. Let's eat.

 

[MrJones944]

I tried the fumes but all I had was some starting fluid and still nothing. This Italian bitch is really pissing me off so I am off to the store to buy it some new butt plugs.

 

[Hotrod]

My italian bitch pisses me off all the time, you just have to learn to live with her... I mean it.
SHhhh, here she comes.

 

[gixxerjockey]

Anything Italian is notorious for excessive hair. Have you tried shaving the airbox?

 

[MrJones944]

Well I finally got her going. The joy was short lived as seconds after she fired up I got a audible signal from the power commander telling me the back yard bon fire had turned into a small forest fire. All she needed was a set of new butt plugs and a gimp suit and she fired right up though. The bike just needed a little more starter fluid and a new set of spark plugs.

 

[Robben]

Well, that's all good and stuff, but am I reading between the lines here that you burned the pizza?

 

[Hotrod]

I thought he said he burned his wife... All this double speak is messing me up!

 

[Gixxerfix]

I was actually going to post a serious reply. Butt plugs! You have to change the butt plugs in Italian bikes to make it run here in the Americas. Try that with your wife too! If it's good for the bike it's good for the wife.

 

[Aw4g63]

Do you have any pictures of the front tire you're running. My friend had the same problem. Turned out to be his chain tension and shock height.

 

[ECC3]

Do you have any pictures of the front tire you're running.

Sure: