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How to tell if you're a squid!

1330 Views 10 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  timyates519
How to tell if you're a squid:
If you trailered your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Orlando.
If you think Valentino Rossi is an Italian red wine.
If you think "Deals Gap" is a trendy, discount clothing store.
If the amount of money you've spent on chrome or Carbon Fiber is more than your odometer reading.
If your Sunglasses cost more than your Helmet.
If you've ever uttered the phrase "If an American company started building Sportbikes, I'd buy one." (Caution: saying this in the presence of a Buell rider could earn you a black eye.)
If you've never seen Faster or On Any Sunday.
If your helmet spends more time on your passenger saddle then on your head.
If you wear a T-shirt, jean shorts, and flip-flops when you ride because you "...don't plan on getting in an accident anyway."
If your first bike was a Ducati.
If you install a Micron pipe on your bike and figure that's good for another 10-12mph on the top end.
If you've never ridden in the rain.
If you remove the mirrors from your street bike to make it more aerodynamic.
If you think Mick Doohan is the name of "that Crocodile Hunter".
If you've ever traded in your sportbike for a jetski or snowmobile.
If you loved the movie Biker Boyz because it was "so realistic!"
If you've replaced the back tire on your bike three times and the original front tire still looks brand new.
If you honestly believe you were going 180mph on your '92 CBR600 because you "had the speedometer buried".
If the longest trip you've ever taken on your bike was to your girlfriend's house across town.
If you've ever used a belt sander on your footpegs to give the impression that they touch the road when you take corners.
If you've ever purchased a bike strictly because you read about it in Cycle World magazine.
If you actually believe that a slightly modified RC-51 will do 202mph.
If you spent weeks doing exhaustive research before deciding to buy the R1 instead of the ZX10, but you still haven't taken the time to get your motorcycle license.
And last but not least ..
If you're standing around listening to a group of motorcyclists talk about "the King" and you think to yourself "I didn't know Elvis raced motorcycles."

Signs That You're NOT a Squid.

If you rode your bike to Daytona for Bike Week, and you live in Seattle.
If you've ever attended the Isle of Mann TT. (Note: you get quadruple points if you've ever ridden in it.)
If you get your knee down riding to the store for a loaf of bread.
If you think Steve McQueen was a motorcycle racer who "...did a little acting on the side."
If you've been to over a dozen track days and still never gotten your bike up to it's top speed.
If you own a Alaska.
If you've ever had to replace the knee pucks on your leathers.
If you named your kids Valentino, Rainey, Ago, and Hailwood.
If you've ever seen a Joey Dunlop interview...and you understood every word that came out of his mouth.
If your sportbike has some of it's plastic missing and you ride it anyway.
If you've ever ridden a motorcycle with a broken leg.
If you've ever asked Earl Hayden to adopt you.
If Dave Despain has you on his speed dial.
If the smell of leather gives you a chubby.
If you can tell which brand of tires a bike has on it without reading the sidewalls.
If you know where every motorcycle dealership within a 100 mile radius is, but you can't locate the nearest grocery store.
If your bike has an alarm system, but your car doesn't.
If you own a copy of Faster or On Any Sunday.
If the parts guy at your local dealership delivers to your house.
If you've ever ridden a motorcycle to a funeral.
If you find yourself adjusting the suspension settings on your bike because the road you're on changed from concrete to asphalt.
If your wife asks you how your ride was and out of habit you say "It was great. I'd like to thank my crew, HRC, Dunlop Tires, Joe Rocket leathers
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haha i like that last one on signs that your not a squid
Other noteable non- squid identifiers.

When you get home from work at a Pittsburgh steelmill in (pick a day) February and you keep blipping the throttle till someone comes out to put the kickstand down and pry you off the bike.

After the sled on a 70mph divided highway comes from the far lane thru an emergency/police guardrail cut-out then slams on his brakes taking up both of your lanes giving you the options to hit the guardrail, hit the pickup truck coming out of a county road, or his Sportfury II. You pick your spot on the Sportfury.

After hitting the first snow storm of the season in Colorado riding at 30/40 mph behind 2, 18 wheelers -with a short windshield- for well over a hundred miles in up to 3 inches of blanketing snow/slush you toss off a good natured wave at other groups of bikes heading into IT with the hand and arm that can still move.

You KNOW the bike your riding on thru the snow (downtown) has a perfect wheelbase for sliding on BOTH tracks of the old street car line.

When your bike suddenly mega-revs on you at 85mph on the turnpike and you think the tranny is gone because no matter what gear your in, it's neutral.
Being a 'true' biker you go for the long coast, make to a hill top and coast 3 more miles (4-5 altogether). When you finally stop and fire up a smoke you 'notice' there is something missing between the front and rear the chain...

When you bust down laughing till there are tears running down your beard.
Because you actually have a spare link and tools. But the chain is at least 4 miles back and uphill to boot.

When you get where you were going you crack a beer and tell the fuckin' dumass story and all of your friends are rolling.

You tell the nice blue haired lady, "Yes Mamm!" After she leans out the window to tell that 'YOU' need to watch what you are doing. After she knocked you down at a red light...

You teach your Mom how to ride!

You start giggling after being wheeled in front of the witness stand when the Judge asks you to present your side of the story during an Insurance settlement case in which the defendant nobly argued he didn't see you. When, in fact, he had been chasing you for 15 minutes because of a minor sexual transgression you had with his girlfriend. Damn Traffic!

When at 55mph your rear tire blows -downhill-, and is squirming back and forth off the rim, you are in slow motion lock to lock and each time the backend comes around you look, helplessly, into the eyes of your 4 month pregnant wife. And she's smiling like a kid on a roller coaster cause she thinks you are doing it on purpose.

When the MP arrives on scene and notices you and the bike are still under the van that did a low speed T-bone on you. His first words of compassion as he stares right at you are " get this shit off of my road" You reply with the appropriate military code words; "Fuc# your momma, in her ass!"

You -after all these years- still try to kick at that pack of farmyard tirebitersas the come yelping out on the road. DIM

You meet an old guy with one arm on a Kansas backroad gas station and he tell's you how he lost his arm -INDIAN- and the rest of his life story. And it's really O.K. you weren't doing nuthin' but cruising anyhow..

You have a piece of styrofoam jammed between the shield and pod. Stuck in it are a couple of old CAR sparkplugs and trashed rusty bolts aka highway debris for over the shoulder tosses to discourage tailgaters at 70mph plus.

You have the 'look' down pat. Every cop that pulls you over for nothing ends up asking you if there is a problem. :) :)

Thru it all you keep riding.
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very nice, and oh so true.
Great post.
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If you named your kids Valentino, Rainey, Ago, and Hailwood.

I am named after Mike the bike
If the amount of money you've spent on chrome or Carbon Fiber is more than your odometer reading.

If your Sunglasses cost more than your Helmet.

If your first bike was a Ducati.

to be a non squid u have to be poor :rolleyes
jiujitsujiggy said:
to be a non squid u have to be poor :rolleyes

If the amount of money you've spent on chrome or Carbon Fiber is more than your odometer reading.
This is indication that you're a poser. :squid

If your Sunglasses cost more than your Helmet.
This is indication that you don't wear gear. :squid

If your first bike was a Ducati.
This is indication that you make stupid decisions for the sake of looking cool. :squid
IF you make dumbass long posts, then you are probably a :squid

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