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HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETELENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining that your battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under motorcycles at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 40 years ago by someone in Sindelfingen, and rounds them off.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.
 

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Flat screw driver- Useful for stabbing large gaping wounds into the palm of the hand

Duct tape- useful for sealing off those large gaping wounds mentioned above

Safety glasses- Generally used for trapping flying particles between your eye and the lens so that it doesn't fly out and hurt someone.

Torx bits- something you don't have when they are the only fasteners that are holding something together.

Telescopic magnet- the only reason they produce this tool is to remove broken oil pump drive shaft rods out of small block fords.


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SNAFU
 

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Farm OG
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bike- one of the single most effective methods for ridding yourself of all that annoying extra cash...

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Hotrod

"i'm gonna git you, sucka!"
 

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You forgot to mention the good old Stillson wrench - the threatening tool

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2000 Lexus IS200 SE
1997 GSX-R600V
2000 Renault Clio 1.6 Si
 

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oil filter wrench : tool used when you have noyhing better to do than slam your hand into a hot header pipe

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have fun---or don't do it
 

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oil filter pliers : tool used to shave fine metal particles off of your oil filter causing you to get nervous about all of the metal in the drain bucket, which makes you lose sleep and become an irretable person. Also good for poking large holes in the side of said filter causing you to miss the cath bucket and spend neadless hours cleaning your garage floor.

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have fun---or don't do it
 

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metal punch : tool that when hit hard once, will leave two marks around the intended point. Also works well as an oil filter removal tool when combined with a hammer. for the deffinition of a hammer see previous posts.

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have fun---or don't do it
 

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heat gun : developed to aide in sticker removal, usually shrinking the sticker to the point where you can not remove it. Also, stays hot for hours causing it to melt itself into the carrying case rendering it useless after first use.

Paint brush : used to splatter paint any item that you are trying to protect, and completley miss the intended area.

Quick dry concrete : enough said

reading glasses : used to burn important documents after reading them and setting in front of a window.

Pneaumatic nail gun : Used for boring holes through expensivive trim pieces, and also an aid in plaster repair( the more you use it the better you get at repairing the holes in other rooms).

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have fun---or don't do it
 

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kdj67f:
Torx bits- something you don't have when they are the only fasteners that are holding something together.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

it should be more along the lines of guaranteed to break off/strip out inside of the torx head screw/bolt when any tighter that 15 ft/lbs



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2000 Suz GSX-R750, yellow/black, Yosh RS-3, polished frame, eliminated rear fender, rear turn signals "modified" webpage... http://communities.msn.com/SuzukiLoversHome
 

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GIXXER.COM- Used to kill any time that could be considered productive, rendering users unemployed.
Unemployment Checks- 6 month vacation filled with riding and testing out all the parts/advice received from using GIXXER.COM

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Well if i was doing 70 on 1 wheel, should that be considered 35?
 

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LOL!

Gaff Tape is like the Force - it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds everything together.

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Hana Hou, Good to Go!
Let's Ride!
 

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Good post. Took me 7 years to see it. But still good. :biggrin
 

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big floppy donkey dick
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^^:lol
 
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