I know this is a girls forum, but I have a question. Girls seem to be a little more understanding on this subject, but here it goes.

I broke up with my ex not to long ago, and I am still having feelings for her, that I probably shouldn't have. I meen I am trying to be a friend, and it is hard to do, because I still look after her like she is my sister. I know I have to be evading space, but I don't really know what to do. Should I just be a friend, or what? I still love and care for her like I did when we was dating, but she has done stated that there probably won't be a second chance for "us". I am trying to just be the friend, that she can come to no mater what, but she is making it hard on me, because she says just to give her her space.

We broke up in Feb, and for the first few months, all she could do is think about me, and all that good stuff. Now, it is the opposite. I am thinking about her all the time, and all that stuff. I sit in the dark and think if we made the right decision, but still can't come up with an answer. I don't know if she is doing this because I said that I wanted to think before I made a decision to be with her again, or if she just doesn't want to be with anyone right now. I was her first in most as well. First actual relationship, and sex as well.

I know it is hard to get over your first actual relationship, but should it be this hard, or did I let the "one" go? She was my first for most things. Actual relationship, sex, and all that good stuff. I don't know what to do http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif. All input is greatly appreciated. http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

Any one?

what were the terms of the brake up? was it mutual?

Yes, it was a mutual break. No one ever said that we didn't want to be with the other. I left a msg saying that we needed to talk about things, and that we should give each others things back, incase it didn't work. Then a friend of hers read it, and said that I was breaking up. I don't know what really happened, other than I got sick and didn't call for a week. It was hard to talk, and not get sick during that time. It upset her I guess. I talk to her still, and all that good stuff, but I just can't help but think we made a mistake. Should I be like this, or is it just the first love thing? Oh, and don't know if it helps, but I dated her for a year and four months, which put me at 17 when we started dating, and I am 19 now. Don't know if that plays a factor in it.

Nice to hear from you again girlie.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

Hmm. . .first off, it sounds like someone else fucked things up. That friend shouldn't have stuck their nose in it, and I'm sure probably said things that pushed her away. Sorry, but that's what I know most catty ass females would do. . .

Anyway. . .I don't have personal knowledge on this. . .I'm married to my first love. I do know my bro went through it. It's been about 12 yrs & he'll still think of her.

I would say. . .give her the space she's requested. Try to ride it out. . .if it's meant to be, you'll come back to each other.

I don't know if that helped any. . .sorry http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

Thanks Dilly.
I am trying to give her the space that she wants, but it is just hard because I don't want anything to happen to her. She thinks she is ugly, and all that good stuff, but she isn't. I loved her to death, and did everything I could for her. I am the kind, that even though I am not with her anymore, I will still kill for her. I honestly think, that she is trying to do me the way that I was when we first split. I didn't know if I wanted to be back, and now, she is saying that she doesn't want to be back. It is just hard, because this was my first real love.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to tell someone how special & attractive they are, they can't accept it. I know. . .been there. I had to figure out who I was & accept myself before I could believe that I was attractive. Some people are born knowing who they are, for others like myself, it takes 23 yrs http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

Youth is still a possible issue, and it could be she's tyring to make you feel some hurt she like she did the beginning. Oh, and giving her space doesn't mean you're abandoning her http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif You can keep tabs and not get in her way http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I have been trying to keep tabs on her, and stay out of her buisness as much as possible, but she says I am evading her. Even said that I was critueqing(sp) her after she told me she had sex with another guy already. It didn't bother to much. I played around with her a little bit about it, but she said I was evading her space. I just don't want her to get hurt, and I know that she will get hurt running around with all of her friends.

I am really begining to think, she doesn't want to be with anyone, because "she wants to be a teen". I never once didn't let her do what she wanted. All I asked, was that she didn't make drinking a habbit, and stay off the drugs. Is that to much to ask of a girl that was 2nd in her class? I was always telling her, that I didn't care if she went with her friends, because I didn't want her to be controlled. She always wanted to be with me, and not do the things she is doing now.

I just know, that I still care and lover her, and would do anything for her. I am looking after her, like I do my sister that is 7yr older than me. Am I wrong for how I am though?

Hmmm, sounds like she's rebelling. . .not much you can do about that. Hopefully, it'll be a short one.

If she still thinks you are all up in her biz. . .well, then just walk away. I'm not saying stop caring or trying. . .but try giving her a good month without you somehow 'invading' her space. (I'm not saying you are, but ya know what I mean) Perhaps that time will help her see things a little more clearly?? I'm guessing here. . .I'm not one for playing games or any of that. I always say women have snakes in their heads http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/laugh.gif

You're definitely not wrong for caring or trying http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

Thanks once again Dilly. I just hope she doesn't go out and get hurt, or even worse rapped or something. Like stated before, she is one of the ones that says she is ugly, and to fat, etc... I would hate to have to track someone down and get violent on someone. I would probably end up in jail over it.

I guess I know how she felt when I was telling her I didn't know what I wanted to do yet for the first couple of months. This sucks. Thanks so much Dilly and Girlie. Glad someone is helping me with this.

Hey man listen up. Quit it all. Don't talk to her, message her or anything else. If she likes you she will come back. Once you get away from her she is going to start wondering. While you are around she knows she can have you and she won't want you. Girls want what they can't have, it's true. If you want to be with this girl then leave her alone completely. If you just want to be a friend then do it but you can't be wishy washy about it or it will stay the way it is now. Trust me on this one bro, if it's meant to be it will be, if not you are young enough (from what I gather) to find many more just like her or better. I promise if you quit talking to her all together she will be calling and wondering what you are doing. Good Luck bro.

Well see, she would call me after the split, and talk to me. Even apologized for her not understanding what I had said. I told her that I needed some time to think about things, and that right then, I didn't want to be with her until I thought about everything. This was in the begining of Feb. Now, June, I am thinking that we made a mistake. I don't know why she is like this, because she has never been like this. I just wish I could make things right, and make it better between us.

Yes, I am a youngen you could say. I am 19 years old since Jan. I was with her since October 14, two years ago. It just upsets me that all this is going on. She would call, and everyone was telling me she wanted back, and now that I decide to get back with her, she doesn't want to now. I don't know. http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

I talked to her again today, on the computer and all. She said, that she just wants to be a teenager, and be her for right now. Does not want anything holding her back, although I never held her back to my knowledge. Never told her she couldn't do anything other than drugs.
She doesn't want to even have contact with me until "i am over her" because she doesn't think I can't be around her without bringing "us" up. Do friends not hang around each other even if they have feelings for the other? I may be wrong, but that doesn't matter does it? I don't know. I guess I can go at this a couple of different ways, but I still am confused at times. Maybe this budweiser will help me understand some things.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif

I talked to her again today, on the computer and all. She said, that she just wants to be a teenager, and be her for right now. Does not want anything holding her back, although I never held her back to my knowledge. Never told her she couldn't do anything other than drugs.
She doesn't want to even have contact with me until "i am over her" because she doesn't think I can't be around her without bringing "us" up. Do friends not hang around each other even if they have feelings for the other? I may be wrong, but that doesn't matter does it? I don't know. I guess I can go at this a couple of different ways, but I still am confused at times. Maybe this budweiser will help me understand some things.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif



The budweiser won't help. Take my advise and go find another one that looks better, quit calling her and she will be begging you to come back. Good Luck man.

I am beginging to think that is my problem. I don't get out much, because my town is boring as hell. If my bike would start doing part of its job, I wouldn't have this problem now would I? Just kidding. I do need to find someone else though, and see if it is just that she is my first love, or if I let the wrong one go.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

I agree with Z on this. . . just walk away. Break off all contact & go have some fun somewhere else http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

I agree with Z on this. . . just walk away. Break off all contact & go have some fun somewhere else http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif



I know women, the sad thing is I can give good advise but can't take my own and make it work. I am a sucker for women. I love everything about them. When I find someone I like I treat her like a queen. The problem always comes up when they think because I treat them so well they can run over me. I don't let it happen and they are shocked. They start being all bitchy and shit and I don't put up with it.

Example:

I let her do things with her friends, break plans with me and all kinds of other things then she will come to me on Saturday asking me not to go riding or something because she wants to just hang out or some other bullshit. I will say no, I have planned this all week, we can hang out when I get back and I will make it shorter than usual. This is her trying to take things out of your life because she thinks they are more important than her. It's a test and she failed, not me. They start trying to control you and if you let them they will walk all over you.

Trust me man, go out and have some fun. Get a few friends who ride together and go hang out on your bikes near places girls go, they love bikes. You will have a girl in no time. Make sure you have your back seat on and an extra helmet near by. Good luck

I believe, that I am just going to do the friend thing, and take some time to find someone else for the time being. I will know I made a mistake if everything goes terribly wrong with the next one. She keeps leaving things on her yafro.com account, that makes me second chance that she is trying to rebel when she talks to me. Every time I ask if I can come visit her, or her little doggy, she won't let me. I miss seeing the little puppy, and her for that matter. I don't know though.
I am thinking, that if she sees me with, or knows I have someone else, she will fall apart, but girls act completely different than a male. It is a theory though.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif Will see what happens.

Thanks for all the imput guys/gals. It has been a good help!

My 2 cents, break all contacts with her until your over it or you will never be able to meet somebody else. Your so into "her" that you don't see all the great girls out there. Am I right? If a girl would try to "seduce" you or whatever, would you "let her in" and meet your ex-girlfriend with your new girlfriend? (friends see each other with or without their girlfriend you know...) I guess not. Hard to hear but most of us here don't know you so why would we say "break contact"..................

Good luck

Just to update, I have quit trying to get back with her. I believe it is more problems than I want. I mean I still care for her, just not that way. I am talking to a girl now, that makes me happy every time I talk to her, which in my book, is good. Oh, and yes I would meet my ex-girlfriend with a new one, just because it shouldn't matter if I am with somoene, or not, when I am a friend. Also, if a girl were to "seduce" me now, I would "let her in."
Pretty much all contact but chating on the computer has been broke. She stated that a long time ago. She doesn't feel that I could be around her, or talk to her on the phone, with out bringing "us" up. That sounds kinda retarded to me, but I don't know how a girl thinks.
I am just going to be a friend, and not try anymore. If we are to get together later in life, then so be it, but right now it isn't going to happen.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

Good to hear . . . oh, and yeah . . . that's retarded. Sounds to me like she thinks she's some shit you can't get over, if you 'can't be around her without bringing ya'll up" . . . how conceited http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif

2 words...MOVE ON!


Char

Play hard to get, women hate that. Your out having all the fun, while she's probably thinking about you and what your doing or even who your doing. Funny how that works.

I was in your shoes a few years ago, I missed him and I made sure everone knew it! So when the word got back to him, that they saw me in a club or something, my ex would ask how I was and the response was...I was miserable! Notice it was everyone else getting the word back to him, not me calling and stuff. Later, he wanted me back, but it was to late. I found someone who wanted to be with me http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I gotta question for you? Why would you wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with you?

It's a harsh question, but if you think about it, it's true. Well, good luck with the newbie http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

Play hard to get, women hate that. Your out having all the fun, while she's probably thinking about you and what your doing or even who your doing. Funny how that works.

I was in your shoes a few years ago, I missed him and I made sure everone knew it! So when the word got back to him, that they saw me in a club or something, my ex would ask how I was and the response was...I was miserable! Notice it was everyone else getting the word back to him, not me calling and stuff. Later, he wanted me back, but it was to late. I found someone who wanted to be with me http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I gotta question for you? Why would you wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with you?

It's a harsh question, but if you think about it, it's true. Well, good luck with the newbie http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif



Only reason I can think of for wanting to be with her, is that she was so special to me. First in many things as you have read. I don't think I am going to try anymore to be with her. I am getting closer to the girl I am talking to now, and she looks better, and makes her own decidions. My ex couldn't make a decision without her mom knowing. Her mom said from the begining, that she would make sure we didn't stay together long. That didn't help our relationship any either.
Time to move on, and see what happens. I am really liking the new girl, and will see what happens with her... Thanks for all the replies fellow GDC posters.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

keep in mind that if your being a "friend" means being a sucker, you should find better friends.

I say to avoid her. Be polite if she talks to you, but don't go out of your way to prolong converstaions or start them.

Anybody that says relationships are all difficult just has been trying to force a relationship with the wrong people.

Enjoy your life, go out and be happy. No woman wants a gy that whines and feels sorry for himself.

I don't know where I am being a "sucker" Engloid. I was just trying to be a friend, and get back with her if possible. I know it probably wasn't the best idea, but it was an idea.

I have decided to just be a friend for now all. I am trying to get with the new girl as mentioned, and so far, talking has been going well. Havn't got to talk to her today though, so no further updates. I have found a couple of things on the chat rooms I get on, that have me thinking if she ever cheated on me. I found some pictures, with her showing boobs and such. I don't care that she did it while we dated, just curious to see what all she did while we was dating. I am hoping that I get with the new girl, because I am always happy when I talk to her, and I was happy when I met her last night. She makes me happy all around, but I don't know about her feelings towards me. Will have to see what happens.http://www.gixxer.com/forums/images/graemlins/burnout.gif

Shit happens... watch be cool.. then be cool and it ill work... took 2 years of me being a dumass to realize that.

Shit happens... watch be cool.. then be cool and it ill work... took 2 years of me being a dumass to realize that.



I have found out that shit happens, and there isn't much I can do other than let time work it.
Here is a pic of my ex, finally found one to post of her.......
http://www.gixxer.com/uploads/ng&Alstare&Megan.jpg