I've been married for 2 years, but we've been together for 9 years now. We have a 4 yr old daughter as well as a 10 year old son(stepson to me). My wife has a really good paying job, sales director, which requires her to work alot of hours, three days she works from 8am-9pm, and the other two days she either works from 8-5 or 2-9 and only gets one weekend off every 6 weeks due to the rotation of other directors.

I am the one taking care of my kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work. Signing my son(really her son) up for sports programs and coaching his teams. You name it and I do it.

So yesterday my wife has the day off, she wakes up to take my daughter to school and has until 11:00 til she gets out, 3:00 for my son to get home and then another 5:30 til I get home. So I called her at work and asked if she could make a specific meal for me and if she could make it early as I had a basketball game later that night.

I get home, no dinner, dishes are dirty, toys everywhere and she is on the bed watching MTV. I ask what she has been doing all day and she says nothing. I cannot tolerate a dirty house so I start going to work straightening things up. She finally gets up and starts dinner, which is ready at the time I'm leaving for my game. So I figure I'll eat when I get home.

I get back two hours later, food is still on out on the stove, the dishes are once again dirty, there are toys everywhere again and she is in the room watching MTV. So of course I go off asking if she's planning on cleaning up? She gets mad cuz she is getting yelled at for being a lazy ass and starts getting defensive but has nothing to say. But she did go grab the laundry and started folding.

This is not a rare occasion, this is pretty much her routine every week. I know she works alot but it is not like I am out at the bars and clubs having a grand ol time, I'm at home taking care of my kids and home. And when I plan a day to go out dirt riding or mountain biking she gets mad saying I'm always thinking about myself. I'm not sure why she would care, it's not like she's watching the kids anyway as I have to have my sisters take care of them most times. And they don't mind at all cuz they know I rarely get time to myself anymore.

Honestly, I could divorce her and it would not be much different than it is now. I'd probobaly get custody of the kids due to her work schedule and it would be no sweat off my back cuz I've been doing this by myself the whole time anyway. Of course a divorce would be the last thing I would want but I'd like for a little appreciation for the things I do and sacrafice. Hell, I'm only 29 and feel like I'm a 40.

So how do I approach my wife without turning the situation into a bunch of drama?

Wow, you are the woman.
That is awesome.
All I can say is that my hubby and I are together for 6 years, 6 months married. Two kids, house, yard. Up until last April I was working.
Something I learned, is that you can't change a person. Now, the advice I give works for my marriage and all marriages are different.
But, with that said. Your wife (and if you were the wife asking for husband advice, this would be the same) works really hard. The last thing she wants to do it have to worry about cooking dinner and cleaning. She wants to be able to rest and take advantage of the little time off that she does have. Why would she want to continue working once she gets home.
Now I say this because I am like you. Or rather, I used to be. My husband broke me of my complusion to keep an entirely too clean house. He is lazy, he is a pig. He doesn't care if the house is clean. He doesn't care if the yard is nice. He works, he makes money, he spends his money his way and he spends his time off doing what he wants. Finally, I realized that and I realized I was the one with the problem. I was the one that wanted a clean house and clean yard. It was ME who couldn't handle the clutter and the mess. It was ME who lost my mind if the house wasn't picked up at all times. It was also ME who was sick all the time. It was ME who felt like I was 40 and I was 28. It was ME who had to deal with it, because he didn't have the problem. So, now I let the house get messy. I don't stress when there are toys from end of the house to the other. I clean it up as I want to. And then once every couple weeks I scrub my house from top to bottom. I am going to work hard either way. I figure I might as well just enjoy my time my way as well.

And realize that she too could just as easily do it without you. It does go both ways.
What I would do is say hey, could you at least acknowledge me and what I do around here. It would make me feel better if I knew that you appreciated that I took care of everything so you can enjoy your time off.
And then make sure you tell her that at least two days a month you would like to be able to leave the house and not hear any flack about it because you work hard to. And you also deserve your time off as much as she does.
Also, if you have the opportunity to have your sisters watch your kids on occasion. Then you should do it. Don't exploit it, but definitely take some time for you.
And then somewhere in there make sure you make some time for each other. Even if one of you has to wake up in the middle of the night to do it, then do it. And really you should make that priority.

Im in the same situation as you, stay at home dad. The way I see it is she works and brings in the money so its my responsibility to keep the house clean. Luckily her Italian blood helps around the house on the weekends also. Got the best wife I could ask for. Im just wondering how she got stuck with me.

oh yeah, one more thing.
Either you are this boys dad or you aren't. You keep saying it is her kid. But you took the job when you got with and eventually married her. It seems to me that you plan on taking him if you were ever to get a divorce, so saying that like it is something you are holding over her head is f'd up. Yes, it is awesome that you are raising a child that isn't yours. But that was your choice. So it isn't fair to use him as an excuse to be angry with your wife.

oh yeah, one more thing.
Either you are this boys dad or you aren't. You keep saying it is her kid. But you took the job when you got with and eventually married her. It seems to me that you plan on taking him if you were ever to get a divorce, so saying that like it is something you are holding over her head is f'd up. Yes, it is awesome that you are raising a child that isn't yours. But that was your choice. So it isn't fair to use him as an excuse to be angry with your wife.

well he is my son and I treat him as such, I just referenced that to bring up that point. And he is no excuse he is a blessing.

Im in the same situation as you, stay at home dad. The way I see it is she works and brings in the money so its my responsibility to keep the house clean. Luckily her Italian blood helps around the house on the weekends also. Got the best wife I could ask for. Im just wondering how she got stuck with me.

I actually am not a stay home dad. I bring way more of my share to the table as far as money is concerned. My hours just happen to be 8-5 m-f and being the one that has the better hours I do feel obligated to clean the house as well. But my wife should help me out on her days off just as yours does. Just like when she had normal working hours and I'd help her out with cleaning the house during the week and weekends.

I actually am not a stay home dad. I bring way more of my share to the table as far as money is concerned. My hours just happen to be 8-5 m-f and being the one that has the better hours I do feel obligated to clean the house as well. But my wife should help me out on her days off just as yours does. Just like when she had normal working hours and I'd help her out with cleaning the house during the week and weekends.


My bad.:hammer Just misread it.

I'm not sure if one of you called her but I got home about an hour ago, walk in to a clean house. Dishes were washed, floors were mopped, bathroom was sparkling, bedrooms are clean and shrimp pasta is on the dinner menu ready to eat in about 10 minutes. She also gave me a big hug and a kiss, and apologized for not helping out lately. I asked her if she got the hint last night and her reply was, "WELL, you didn't even hit it!":lol

Wow, you are the woman.
That is awesome.


yeah i guess i am the bitch!:D